If You’re Not Happy, Leave

This is how it all started. Looking back from here in Douala, I realize that when you start trying to "get even" in a relationship, nobody actually wins.

Tita and I went to CCAST together back in the day, but we weren’t close - just two students standing next to each other at the assembly behind Lower Sixth arts or sharing benches joined during maths lesson. But we reconnected in early 2024 at a community outreach program in Limbe.. I was standing by a stand when I heard a voice behind me.

"Wait, is this not the girl that used to carry first in Maths?".

I turned around and saw him grinning. "Tita? No way! You’ve grown so much," I laughed.

"I’ve been looking for you since 2012, Linda. Now that I’ve found you, I’m not letting go." We spent an hour gisting like old friends right there, and honestly, the spark was instant. By Valentine’s Day, we were back Limbe. We were sitting by the beach, the sound of the Atlantic crashing in front of us, when he took my hand. "Linda, I’ve had a crush on you since secondary school. I don’t want to play games. I want something serious with you." In that moment, I was all in.

Tita lived with his kid bro, Nelson. Funny enough the one person Tita ever warned me about. Tita always told me, "Stay away from that one, he is too wild, that one so no get head..". Anyway, I was just cordial. But one night at the a Lounge launch, Tita was just sitting there looking at his phone. Nelso grabbed my hand and said, "Abeg, your man is di act like old pa. Come and dance!" We ended up dancing all night. I realized he was a total vibe, but I was loyal.

Then, things started changing. If Tita upset me, instead of talking, he’d just send me a MoMo alert. When my close friend got sick, I called him crying, and he just sighed. "Linda, you’re overreacting. It’s not that deep." I felt so alone.

The final straw was that mirror selfie he posted on snap of another girl. My friend has recorded the video with another phone and sent it to me. i didnt even know he was snap. When I confronted him, he just went of as usual, "I'm helping my friend at the snack from time to time and you know how this snack business. Girl's are always around. there's nothing there. I didn't add you because I knew you’d start this your drama." Then he hung up.

I went to his place to pack my things while he was away. Nelso was the only one home, lounging on the sofa. "Linda, what's with the bags? You and Tita again?" I broke down and told him everything. He just handed me a drink and something to smoke. "Calm your nerves, baby girl. Tita can be a fool sometimes."

As the high set in, the room felt different. I looked at Nelson and joked, "I wonder what it feels like when you're this high and someone actually touches you."

He leaned in close, his eyes locking onto mine. "Why wonder when I'm right here?". Okay this is why his brother warned me him..

I didn't think so much of him to a dangerous person.Calm and collected. But i guess this is his type of bad. These were just thoughts in my mind. Before I could blink, he was kissing my neck. We ended up having an experience I never expected. The next morning, I snuck out before the Dla traffic. I told myself, "If Tita is out there doing his own, then we are even now."

It became a habit. Whenever Tita was away for work, I’d be with Nelso. It was purely physical. We didn't even need to talk. I’d see Tita in that "childhood friend’s" comments online, and instead of crying, I’d just text Nelso. It made the relationship "easier" because I stopped caring.

By April 2025, I looked at myself and realized I was becoming someone I hated. I sat Tita down for a real talk. "Tita, I can't do this anymore. The secrets, the women, the lack of respect. I'm at my limit."

For the first time, he looked scared. "Linda, please. I know I’ve been moving cold. Just give me one month to show you I can change." We agreed on a probation period.

I went straight to Nelson. "It’s over. I’m fixing my home, so don’t call me, don’t snap me."

He just shrugged, totally unbothered. "No problme, Linda. It was fun while it lasted." He didn't even care; I wasn't the only one he was seeing anyway.

A few months later, Tita and Nelson had a huge fight over electricity bills, and Tita finally moved into his own place. It felt like a fresh start. Today, Tita is more empathetic, and I’ve learned that silence is a poison. I haven't told him about Nelson; that's a secret for my grave. I haven't fully forgiven myself yet, but I'm putting all my energy into this second chance. I learned the hard way: if you're not happy, just leave. Don't try to balance the scales, because you'll only end up losing yourself.

That's just one those random thoughts that pop up in between me chats with Tita of our future.